GAME OF GNOMES AT THE QUAYS

We have been contacted with a shocking story of 'Nomelessness' within the City by a concerned citizen named Daniel Hulse who wishes to remain anonymous.

A few weeks ago a 'Large' Gnome wearing an England shirt was spotted living alone on one of the small concrete islands that sit in the water between Sam Platts and the Hamill office building on Salford Quays.

Shortly afterwards his isolation and loneliness was to come to an end as this modern day Gnomio was joined by his Juliet complete with wedding dress and bouquet.

What a small world it must be as within weeks of moving in they were quickly followed by another little couple looking to make a Gnome on the prestigious Quays.

Things seem to be going well for them as just last night the patter of really tiny feet could be heard as Mrs Gnome gave birth to two babies who are now living along side them on their little island paradise.

It is a baffling mystery as to how these little folks are getting there, why they seem to be heading to that one small island and more interestingly why they all seem to stand and stare at Sam Platts all day.

We contacted Salford Council for a statement but they hung up.

We then contacted Gnomeless Charity Shelter who told us we had misspelled it and they were going to call the police if we continued to harass them.

We then contacted the Gnome high council but they were short on info.

So we contacted renowned Gnome expert and local Salford History buff Mr Tony Flynn who told us:

Quote

 

Little is known about Gnome culture and customs, other than they usually have pointy hats and a garish taste in fashion. Kinda like Lady Ga Ga or that Dappy fella from Ndubz.

It is possible that they are there to fish the waters but I see little evidence of a fishing rod or for that matter any fish after the recent dumping of chemicals into the Irwell.

In all likelihood there could be the usual Salford Alien involvement or possibly they have come to the area to take advantage of those *cough 15,000 jobs promised to Salford folks when the Quays was being built.

Personally speaking I think its just someone sodding about or possibly witchcraft, the usual stuff for these parts.

Now I know they are in the area I will be guarding my underpants draw tonight, thanks for the tip off.

 

We headed down to the area and tried to catch up and speak to the Gnomes but the mischievous little folks just ran around singing ha ha ha, he he he, at which point one threatened to 'kick our heads' in so we left.

Eventually we did get to speak to Trafford Council who told us that it would potentially be hard to evict them as they technically are neither in Salford or Trafford their Island is situated on the border of both in Gnomans Land.

So it seems like the mystery of the Gnomes is set to continue as Gnomeone has come forward with any info.

If you know how they got there, have a theory of how they got there or to be frank, just have any idea what on earth is going on then please let us know.

Huge thanks to both Daniel Hulse and Hamill at the Quays for the tip off.